Dancing heart

I hate this feeling sometimes. This throbbing feeling of knowing that you have something juicy and wonderful, but you just can't have it just yet. Like traveling abroad, after Australia you get a taste of the sweet treat then you go to wanting more. Wanting more, wanting to travel more. And your heart throbs fervently thinking of Europe and America and Japan and all the places you want to go. They are there, but just a little out of reach just to tease you. I'm like high on drug addiction, there's a gnawing feeling in my heart as it struggles to fly. To fly high and high away from my life now.

I want to fly out of Malaysia, want to get my own house, want to find true love and loyal partnership, want to become a best selling writer. Dreams. When I think of these dreams, my heart skips three times. So deliciously juicy to look at that you yearn to grab at them. SImply scrumptious.

I suddenly realise that he is indeed somewhat important to me. I did not realise that I have become dependent on him in a subtle way. Asking him to send me to the airport, hoping to ask for his help when stranded in Dengkil, and him helping me get the stuff to the office. He's one of those really good friends that you have, and you suddenly realise there is something different in the air. Maybe it's the way you think of him, the way you treat him. Or maybe it's something dawned on you suddenly. He was always on my mind, but I had never thought of him as anything more. Now I am not so sure.
I want to be loved, want to feel love. Want to be like Mary and Michael, to watch each other's back for 20 yrs and give each other love and support so much. To be able to do things together, to be able to enjoy each other.
If you are sure that there will be no future, will you be willing to take this step? If he confesses to you, how are you going to handle that? I couldn't even clear my emotions now, is it thrilled because I THINK he likes me? Or touched that he did so much for me? Or I still just treat him as a good friend and a good friend only. I wish to have close guy friends that will not emit any chemistry as well as a good boyfriend/partner. I do admire his softspoken gentlemanliness, and his graceful diplomatic ways. And it's nice to talk to him. Don't let my imagination get ahead of me. FORGET about it!